How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
