Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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