maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
