Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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