Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
