is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
