Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
