Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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