Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I need mimosas to revive my soul
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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