One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
