is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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