I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I touched a dick in church today
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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