Having a random hookup so left but love u
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
