so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
