Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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