I showed him my bush... on skype.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
