Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we made out on top of his cat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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