first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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