i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sorry about my life...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
