You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
