I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Its about making memories worth repressing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
