Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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