this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
