and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
