that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
