I just cut my nipple shaving
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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