I want to walk on stilts...naked
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
