Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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