ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
