Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
