just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
