Having a random hookup so left but love u
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
