I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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