I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
