OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
