bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize