Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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