i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
