How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
