You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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