Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
