he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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