YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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