Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
