You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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