I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
