It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize