Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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