Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
