We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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