she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
