my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize