Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
