My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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