i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
