he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
