God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize