that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
