we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
