dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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