it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
love makes seman taste better
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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