remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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