I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize