Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
