Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize