I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
