Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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