I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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