I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize