Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There's even glitter on my cock...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize