Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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