No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
