Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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