thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
