the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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