maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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