Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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