Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
