she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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