I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
