I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
