is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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