Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize