I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
