I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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