i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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