So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
